Fear and Pain

Assalamualaikum, in the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful,

All praise to Allah, the Supreme Ruler of the world, and salawah upon Prophet Muhammad PBUH.

Today, i went to undergo an operation, not that kind of surgery but with the used of CT Scan Machine. As early as 8 am, i already sat, waiting for my turn to be called by the doctors. After an hour or so, the doctor told me that there was supposed no CT scan operation to be done today, and the patients were told in advance, supposedly. My mom and i confused as we never received any call to postpone the appointment. I was in despair and discouraged, as I took 16 tablets of Prednisolone prior to the operation, due to the instructions of the doctor. After a few discussions, the operation was proceed. Alhamdulillah.

I was called to a corner when suddenly, without my acknowledgement, the doctor prepared a needle and syringe. To be honest, i am really weak with those tool in function with penetrating your precious skin with 'slight' pain. In my heart, i monologue, "Oh no, doctor, i'm not signed up for this. T_T". I tried to endure the pain although the feeling never went out and i felt numb and nausea. Yeah, i have a bit of trypanophobia. You can google it.

this is exactly how i reacted when i knew the injection is a part of the procedure. T_T

As i laid down upon the machine, the doctor said, "ok, i will pump in fluid, it's a little bit sting and pain, please endure it." I closed my eye, and then the feeling came. It felt like my hand was burning, from inside and about to burst. I tried to shut my mouth out, and again i monologue, "I'm not signed up for this." Funny isn't it. Afterwards, i never ceased to recite the surah i remember, and force me to divert out my attention from the searing pain. As the operation was done, i saw my clothe soaked in blood, I felt numb and about to puke, as i was prohibited to take any single meal after my last dinner, which was about 12 hours ago before the appointment.

oh no, not again...

To be straight up frank, although its been about 11 hours or so, the pain in my left arm never ceased to stop. I hardly move the hand due to the bad sensational and force to do light works only. Like typing. I know, this pain is from Allah, and He knows that i can't withstand it so that He front out the feeling to make me closer to Him. Like the song, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 

Today, i noticed that, while in fear we tend to shift for help, begging for strength to become strong, and to reduce the hardness that we are facing. Most people turn to their God and ask for something they usually hoping, in time of desperate. As a muslim, I am lucky to know that Allah always with me and give me pain, fear and test to make me a better muslim and mukmin. Sometimes, Allah gave us catastrophe, to make us realize that He is there for us, and love to hear His humble servant, beg for forgiveness, unlimited strength and plead with undivided compliment. He is very sweet because He never did set anything beyond our power and there are always blessing in disguise which us human being tend to forget and never noticed. All we do are nagging and blame the destiny.

"Be sure We shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere. Who say, when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah we belong, and to Him is our return." They are those on whom (descend) blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance." (al-Baqarah: 155-157)

alhamdulillah, the pain and fear is always the sign of love from Allah, so that we never be so contented in life and never forget Him. :)

and this is what i've been waiting for, and alhamdulillah, all praise to Allah for granted me my doa. :)

Illaliqa'. Waalaikumussalam.